I have one rule when it comes to role-playing evil characters. I refuse to play “puppy kickers” – my general name for the sort of person who is evil not out of ambition or self-centered ideals, but just for the sheer joy of being evil. While I’m not naive enough to think that there aren’t people who just want to watch the world burn, I also know I don’t want to put myself in that place. There’s nothing to be gained by this perspective. Nothing to be learned. Thomas Mycroft, however, is not a puppy kicker, and he has taught me a great deal.
from Reaper Miniatures
I will not bore you with an over-long character story of my D&D character. However, as I reflect on what he has taught me, it’s important that you know at least a little of his history. Thomas is a human psionic telepath. For those of you not familiar with Dungeons and Dragons fourth edition, this basically means that he can speak directly into the minds of others. Fourth edition doesn’t have the same alignment structure as previous editions, but for all intents and purposes, he would be considered neutral evil.
While reading through old tomes of his people’s past, their near extinction, and the ruin their attackers placed upon the land, he grew angry. He viewed it as a waste. Rather than rule, the hordes scorched the ground beneath them. Had he been in charge, the lands would be fertile and everyone would have everything that they needed and more. He, therefore, set to rule these people who apparently have neither the capacity nor the decency to rule themselves properly.
I won’t lie to you. I’ve done some terrible things as Thomas. I have seeded the beginnings of a cult loyal to me at the docks of our company’s new city. I killed a man who was being treated for a strange ghoul-sickness because he had insulted my honor on a previous encounter. I have had dreams of dark gods and the shadow sea that would turn lesser men. And I intend to do more of the same before I’m done.
There are some who would site this sort of behavior is the very reason why people shouldn’t play Dungeons and Dragons or games like it at all. I am playing a terrible person doing terrible things with no remorse. In fact, he views it as his duty. In the end, he’s doing all of this because he thinks the people will thrive under his all-powerful rule. Yet as I started to reflect on what tabletop role-playing games can teach the Church, I began to understand that I have to tell his story. As I reflected on the road Thomas Mycroft has taken, I have learned a great deal about myself, the nature of evil, and the need for God.
I’ve been playing Thomas for about a year and a half. His stated purpose when we started was to gather up the pieces of the chaos shard – the artifact that instigated so much destruction. That was it. Get the shard. Rule the world. However, the first time the party collected a bit of the shard, Thomas didn’t get it. His next goal was to take control of the city of Brona – the rebuilt home of our heroes. When they had set the rebuilding in motion and the town council was being established – Thomas was not given a seat.
As I went home and tried to figure out what Thomas’ next great goal, I realized that he will never be done. Either through failure or success, his drive for power and authority has taken over his life. If the peoples of the world gathered together and, with one voice, declared him king, that would not be sufficient. His fear and doubt would drive him to the sort of tyranny that always wanted more and feared losing what it already had. I’ve heard the corruption of power message before, but it wasn’t until I put myself in the shoes of the character that I understood how insidious it was.
Like characters in any good story, the Thomas that left a small fishing village for glory is not the same Thomas I’m playing now. The overly proud man with grand dreams and misguided sense of morality has become something both weaker and yet more terrifying. His outbursts range from demon to disappointed child. He has sold himself to untrustworthy allies that drain the life from him (quite literally I might add), and he is losing grip of his sanity. And what has this gotten him in the end? Next to nothing.
Thomas and company in action
The story will twist and turn, certainly. Thomas may win a time or two, but that does not change the fact that he is utterly lost. There is no foundation for him other than fear and greed. There is no hope for anything other than his fool’s errand. There is no comfort as he surrounds himself with villains. Those whose loyalty was purchased with money and promises have all turned to betray him. Even those who he travels with eye him warily. When I step into this character – it is a dark and lonely place.
These are not the only reasons Thomas will not win. On paper, I’m sure it will be one of the lies he’s told, some debt will come due, or simple madness will cause his downfall. He may even become the next great fiend our heroes will have to fight in order to protect the world. But mostly – he won’t win because I won’t let him.
The beauty of role-playing games is that we can craft the experience. Before we began, I spoke with our game’s DM. I told him how I intended to play Thomas, and that his story would end. The timing and manner of that end were in his hands, but one of two things needed to occur. Thomas would either seek redemption, or he would face destruction. What was certain, was that there was no way he could have victory while still traveling down the road he was on.
I have not concluded young Master Mycroft’s story. Once a month another chapter or two is added. So I watch him, hopeful that he takes a step towards redemption. There are moments here and there where he surprises me. And yet – I fear he is still plunging headlong into his own destruction with an overblown pomp and flair that only he can display.
I play Thomas, and I am made aware of my sin. I am brought to the mirror, and, through him, see my own potential for sin and wickedness. When I leave the table I am thankful for the God who provided a similarly over-proud and foolishly destructive young man a chance at redemption, and I am happy to say it is a greater and more beautiful path to walk down each day.